Lillith Of The Valley
Most women look at me today and think that I am the lead commander of this diet war we can't seem to win. I speak at several women's conferences each year on a variety of topics ; however, every time I'd share the part of my life how God healed me from an eating disorder, helped me conquer chronic fatigue syndrome, and gave me the strength and wisdom to lose over fifty pounds and keep it off, the women bombard me with a desperate cry to teach them how.
So, after ten years of addressing this topic, speaking to over a half a million women across this nation, I felt myself leading to share my plan on how to break free from this "food issue" and "Barbie Bondage" so we can win this Diet War once and for all !!!!
I know from personal experience what it's like to grow up in what society refers to as a dysfunctional home. (Today, there are so many dysfuctional families that much of the world has lost sight of what a healthy, functional family looks like.)
I went from a drug-using, overweight, insecure junior in high school to a powerful, popular, senior who had boyfriends, a local beauty title, and a much better place in life. The only puzzle missing from what appeared to be the perfect puzzle : no matter how much I projected a perfect life or look on the outside, on the inside I continued to die a silent and secretive death that no could see but me.
I felt lonely even in a roomful of people. I battled with a deep, hidden depression because money, things, worldy success, and beauty could only hide my pain - they could not heal my heart or rebuild what was broken in my life or nourish my soul.
An English teacher of mine was so frustrated with me that she told me that I would never amount to anything in life, that I was born to be a loser. I was certain my teacher was right until i discovered God's grammar lesson for broken lives like mine :
Don't put a period where God has a comma, Because She has a plan for every life She creates...................
By the time I reached age twenty - four, I did not know how to deal with my feelings. How could I possibly tell anyone that the young woman who seemed to have it all still cried herself to sleep every night, just like she did when she was a little girl. If I went to a doctor for my emotional pain, he would look at my blessed life and give me a drug for depression. I couldn't tell anyone because I did not want to disappoint them, when they were so proud of all I had become. If I told my family about my emotional pain and eating disorder, they would look at my successes and think that I was ungrateful. So I did what I had learned to do as a young girl; once again I ignored the warning signs. I covered them up by losing more weight, winning more pageants, making more money, setting more goals, and filling my schedule with excessive busyness so I wouldn't have time to feel any pain.
I was thrown out on the road of reality. This time my emotional pain was so severe that every part of my body was hurting. I had panic attacks, crying spells, loss of memory, and chronic depression that led me to sleep to escape the hurting that I could only escape in sleep.
I had no more strength or desire to fill the empty pages of my life. I felt as if I were at the end of life's story. i could not decorate the pain i was feeling anymore. I thought out of a way I could end my life quickly; I felt it would be better to die with the world thinking that I was successful than to disappoint them with the truth that I was a mess.
I checked myself into a hotel room and decided that I would heal my life with sleep........
When I walked into the room, I threw myself on the floor and screamed at the top of my lungs........... "God, do You exist? If you do, please show me !!!!"
It was at that moment that I realized that I was God, Lillith to be exact and that I had a special purpose in this life and that it had been a long journey to learn how to walk in the freedom and even harder to stay free, but today, I am completely free and at peace with the responsibility of being Lillith, because I have never felt more ready than right now..................... in other words................... no more "Barbie Bondage" and the Diet War has been won!!!!
Lillith
